Threads

The Fog

It’s late and I don’t want to go to sleep, my dreams are still a little off, not so much scary but I have been waking up lately thinking: what the %#@$? I know that my mind is trying to tell me something I just wish that it would be more direct, because I can’t seem to pick out any specific theme in all that madness. Perhaps I went insane and didn’t notice…to be determined at a later date.

The Thieves

When the elections are over, I shall cheer loudly in the streets! I’m so tired of seeing all those damned commercials, and getting crazy calls asking for money; asking me for money after I know what you paid to bombard me with your ads – be serious. The days up to the election cannot possibly pass fast enough for me.

Misc. Wanderings

I’m sure that I should have something profoundly deep to say here but I don’t so I will leave you with this: Have you seen the muffin man? ::hums to self::

Have a good one!

Mighty fall...fail?

Dreams

Somehow everyday for the last three days I wake up at 1:30 am slightly disturbed by these strange dreams, not so much the content as the guest stars. It like a parade of ex’s, and no Aaron has not been one of them. I’m sure that my mind is trying to tell me something I just don’t know what it is just yet, and why at 1:30 am every damn morning?

Politics

Since I couldn’t bring myself to write a whole entry on the debates last night, cause let’s face it last night was a waste of good air time, McCain and Obama get a whole paragraph, frankly I think it’s more then either deserves after last night’s showing. Neither did anything but give out their standard spiel in vomitous fashion, completely disappointing for the next leader of this nation. Contrary to all those commercials from both sides of the fence, I did not see any change or mavericks stepping up. Anybody else as disappointed as me?

Have a good one!

One Day

My Winter

I feel depressed, raw, angry, naked, and most of all tainted….

They tell me that going through shit makes you better, stronger, that’s not what I want to hear. Fact is that I have said the same things to other people and believed it, I’m not feeling it so much right now, must be the proximity to *it*. This to shall pass…or so I’m told. I’m sure that it will, I just wish that it would pass faster.

Hope

Pen called earlier this week to squeal some good news, we all need it around here it seems to have been a very rough year for us all, anyway her father-in-law is doing much better then expected. I should explain, in late June he had a very bad car accident that left him with substantially less mobility then what he is used to. This last week he walked 25 feet with the help of a walker, but still that’s HUGE progress. WAY TO GO!!

Critters

Bubba (Sebastian) and Boo are now playing together by chasing around the house, and playing what I like to think of as tag. Honestly, it’s probably just one more way for Boo to hone his hunting skills, stealth being the object of the game, for him anyway. Bubba on the other hand is determined to herd the Boo into the circle that he wants him in; let’s just say that furniture and people better move out of the way.

Miscellaneous

Not much else to say really, I have been feeling the need to draw further back into myself lately, forever the introvert. I’m working on it, unfortunately my working on it has led to not answering calls and not responding to text messages…I know that’s backsliding. Guess I need to work harder.

I have been meaning to sit and write something about current state of the world, I just haven’t felt the passion for it just yet, something will shake lose I’m sure after my annoying tunnel vision clears a bit.

Have a good one!

Down side of the wheel

The Thing

Bah! When did life get so complicated? Well, maybe it’s not and I just lack the proper perspective at the moment. Aaron and I separated not going into the details but it would seem that one person doing the wrong thing has a habit of sparking another person doing the wrong thing; vicious circle and nobody comes out smelling like a rose.

Other Adjustments

Back to: Nebraska, me, growing, school (?), different directions, odd sleeping patterns, my bullshit… Being back is weird and comforting all at the same time, a lot of things have changed and yet so many things are the same. There are days when I wake up and it seems just like I never left, at least until I have a cup of coffee then reality sets in. Complicated or simple…I have not decided just yet.

My sleep schedule is what it what is, odd for most people but it has always been nice to be awake when the world around is sleeping, for me at least. It’s great to be able to stare into the darkness and feel no fear, no judgments, just open space. And since I’m no longer in a city I can’t smell the crap in the air (exhaust, fast food, etc.) for whatever reason it always gives me a very claustrophobic feeling besides all that I can see the stars and they are amazing!

The Critters

Sebastian (sheltie – dog) has taken very nicely to living out in the sticks, he doesn’t have to be bothered with a leash. Though he doesn’t get to play with the neighbors dogs because they are female and I don’t think that they are fixed. As much as I love puppies I don’t want to deal with that right now.

Boo (cat) and Bastian are learning to exist in the same house which is interesting. Bastian tries to herd Boo who is un-herdable he then comes to me to communicate that Boo won’t do what he ought to. Boo chases Bastian like he on the hunt, Bastian thinks this is a great game, Boo gets pissed because the dog is enjoying what is supposed to be a terrifying flight for life.

The Path

I think that I will give up making five year or even one year plans, it doesn’t work for me I’m not flexible enough with them and the lengths I take to get back on them generally destroys any progress.

Now, I don’t want a bunch of you sending me condolences on the status of my marriage. I’m not saying don’t mention it, I would just rather focus on more positive things so I don’t feel the desire to burn down the house, figuratively of course.

I’m looking to go back to school and that’s a good thing. I have so many people that love and support me even when they don’t agree with the roads I choose to travel, and for right now that’s enough. Thanks all!

Have a good one!

P.S. Sorry about the last post I was lit and on edge, and since I never edit or delete it shall stay as a reminder

a moment in time

Have you ever wondered what it was like to have your heart ripped straight out of your chest? I used to, I feel it now…and now I’m looking to feel like I did before…….absolutely fearless. I love the feeling that I had during my twenties, I miss it!

I sit here and look at a picture of my grandmother and she is astonishally beautiful. I remember my grandfather he was “difficult” but loved none-the-less. What it must have been like to be in her time, not that it was that long ago but things change very fast.

I remember her drawing pictures for me when I was little; she had more talent than I could ever hope for. It would take her literally minutes to draw a very accurate portrait of someone. She never expressed any dissatisfaction in her life, but she could have been more…….she was astonishing and I wish that I knew her better.

She died the day before my birthday a few years back, maybe that was supposed to be a sign for me maybe not…..in any case she was loved and is still greatly missed.


Have a good one!