Winter Blues

As I look out the window, I see bright white snow, and pools of water. It's nice and sunny today which means that all that snow we got is melting off slowly and puddling up to make a huge mess, just got to love this weather. Meh

I guess that I'm just in a pissy mood, depressed and suck in my ever-present confusion about my life and the direction or rather lack of at the moment. Well, that's not entirely right I know what I want to do, but wanting, and being able to is another thing completely. And the winter blues hit…. I'm sure that this will pass, I just hope it passes soon, but given pervious years experience I would say no it's here to stay for awhile.

That's all I really have to say for today… sad isn't it.

I hope that everyone else is having a good one.

Good vs. Bad

I seem to be answering questions for myself lately without noticing until I go back and read what I wrote or think about what I said to someone else, and realize that it applies to my current unease. Nothing like getting a big kick in the ass, from your own words. ::grins:: Sometimes I wish that I didn't think about the things that run through my head, but since I can't find the shut down button I fear that I'm doomed to continue to wake up with shock every morning until I get things settled in my mind. I suppose it could be worse though I haven't figured out just how... Ever get the feeling that God sits back and chuckles after you get the answers that you didn't want? Not because he thinks that it's funny necessarily but because he has some sort of pride that you have worked through something on your own and have accepted the situation for what it truly is and brought it to a proper conclusion.

Moving along, how can a kitten be so cute and wonderful sitting in your lap purring one minute and the next attacking the hand that you were petting it with the next? There's nothing quite like petting a nice little kitty one second the pulling you hand up the next with kitten attached with teeth and claws the next. Mads is right I think, the first year they are under contract with Satan. It's a good thing that they are so adorable when they're being good or nobody would keep them around, as it is I'm still trying to figure out why I like the little guy so much, after I look at my hands and arms. Little bugger has very sharp claws and teeth. We were joking around that we should call him Stitch, as he does seem to have that mentality.

Well, I think that I'm off to clean a rat cage, they have been fighting a lot lately, I think it's over who should get to eat the kitten after they catch him. As it is Mythra and Lily have already peed him on, you think that he would learn not to sit so close to the cage, I had no idea that they had that kind of aim. As not funny as that should have been for me, I couldn't help but feel rather proud they were asserting their dominance in relationship to the kitten. I'm sure that he will loose interest in the rats after he looses a few claws or some fur to the ladies, I guess that he doesn't know that they are just as if not more aggressive then he is. Anyway, I need to get that cage clean so that they have something to do other then fight, this way they can spend the next three days rearranging fluff and scenting it to their liking.

It has turned into a monster, but a friendly monster.

Well, as it seems I have found myself in a position to be writing more about the world then my own personal bitches regarding my personal life. That's not to say that I'm giving up my journal, that's just to say that now I will be writing about things that I have chosen not to post here. I'm still maintaining that this place is for my therapy to work through all the crap that either I have forced upon myself or that others have choose to put in my head, that I allowed willingly.

So, with that thought in mind I will be keeping my journal up to date. But will also be posting articles (if you can call them that) ::cough:: to Internal Decay. The thought also occurred to us to ask a few others to post their pieces to the site, and see what comes of it. I have a few people in mind and have already made a pitch to one, I think she'll do it.

I would also like to say that if anyone is interested in writing on this site feel free to send a message my way, and tell me about what you have in mind. We aren't looking for people that are necessarily going to have the same opinion or background, as a matter of fact I would love to stress diversity here. Well, enough of the sales pitch…

Not a lot has been happening around here the past few days. Furgie is still learning proper manners for living in this house with another cat and two ratties, I would say the dog but he spends all his time outside so… Anyway, Furgie is very vocal that all the people food should be fed to him, and that there should always be food left in his dish. The poor thing eats until his belly is so full that he can hardly move, actually I'm not feeling too bad for him.

I'm off to go read news and track down some info. Have a good one.

Ego be damned

A comment Erin made about my last entry got me thinking alittle about the effect that I have on people. Though my ego would love to eat up the idea that I am popular, my brain knows better; I am loved by some, hated by just as many, and forgotten or invisible to most. And surprisingly enough this causes me no bad feelings. Like most people I have done some pretty messed up stuff to others and I own those actions, so I figure that I'm ahead of the game so-to-speak. Though it certainly makes me feel good that someone that I met and had a such a short interaction with, still considers me a friend especially given the things that happened since then. Friends are very hard to come by, or at least true friends are, and I feel blessed that I have many that fit into that category.

Some of you may have noticed my lack of posting in the last few days, the reason for this is that I have been sought out recently for advice by several people. I wish that I could say that I feel confident that the results will be positive, but that is dependent on how the person applies them self to the solution. The phrase "if you aren't part of the solution you are part of the problem" springs to mind. Obviously I'm feeling more comfortable in this position of advice giver and sounding board. I still qualify any statements that I make, as I'm not trained for this, but I think that puts everyone more at ease; after all I speak their language and I'm just an outside individual with maybe a better perspective then they themselves have. Or maybe I am just reading too far into it....

Not alot happening on the home front, just more delay tactics from the relocation company. So, I'm off to surf the news and see what has happened to the already messy world that we live in. Claire when are you planning your take over? There has to be a better plan then assholes blowing shit up and murdering people. What happened to peaceful solutions? Or are we just not capable of that as a species? Well, there's something to think about...

Kitten got his name!

It looks as though the kitten finally has a name Furgie short for Furmongeroious, don't ask just nod and smile. So kitten has name, now all he has to learn is what he can and can not claw or bite; he bit me and I bit him back today ::evil grin:: I think now he knows that biting me is a bad plan.

Not much happening around here today, which is how Sunday’s are supposed to be. Today we are hanging around watching movies, playing games, or reading, veggin' at it’s best. We will be going to Sioux Falls tomorrow, might see Pen and Joe depends on if whatever they have has settled any - I refuse to go around the sickies and catch their ick.

For the love of cars

We spent the morning by, finishing the cleaning in the house for the third (Yes, I said third!) appraiser to come tour through the house. This one however, assured us that his paperwork would make it to the relocation company before three weeks had passed. I mention the three weeks because the other appraisers have apparently yet to send their paperwork in on this house.

The kitten is still unnamed, he just doesn't seem to really sit any name that we have come across yet. In the mean time he is terrorizing my mom's cat to no end. They (cats) actually woke me up last night by running across me, then turning around and launching off my stomach. Now mind you I'm not really friendly when someone wakes me normally, let's just say they are lucky that they're cats and not people. Of course at this minute he is being absolutely adorable, sleeping on my lap as I type away.

Started to have that car conversation with Mike, or tried to start it out, but he was more interested in giving me all kinds of hell about my ex and unresolved feelings that are there for both him (ex) and I. Ain't love grand... HA! Things always happen for a reason... There's a bigger plan that I don't see... Hell yeah, I'm stretching, and don't try to shoot that out form under me, it's all I got on this one.

Moving along, Pen called today and said that Joe (hubby) was sick so they won't be coming up for a visit. Actually she said that if he started feeling somewhat better she would leave Mark (baby) with him and bring Justin and Matt (kids) with her here for a short visit. I seriously doubt that a short visit will happen even if Joe does start to feel better, I know that she hates to drive when there is any snow out there. ::shrugs:: I've seen worse but no sense in getting someone on the road that doesn't like, or isn't used to driving on a highway with snow on it. I won't pull out the organ card for this one. (Inside joke) LOL

Other then that it's quiet today, which isn't a bad thing. Now I'm off to shift through the rest of my email. Have a good one!

Benadryl, the news, and old whiskey

Oh curses, I love green peppers but they hate me, so here I sit with Benadryl hitting my tummy, and waiting for it to kick in… My mom is feeling terrible right now for bring something home, that I like, that has green peppers in it. Not to worry mom, I occasionally get something with peppers in it anyway, then dash for the Benadryl. hehe

Well that certainly gives me a good excuse to not go and clean off the snow from the deck, besides the dog really likes it… yeeeeaah that's the ticket. Avoidance of actual chores is what I'm all about today. I have spent most of the day floating from journal to journal and posting my normal nonsense. Aren't you people sooo lucky?

I did spend some time catching up on news, though I try not to bring that here. As far as I'm concerned we get hit over the head by all the bad happens of the world enough - but that is just me. Not that I don't enjoy reading others journals that cover that sort of thing I guess that I just don't write well enough for that style, and to be more honest I normally see all points of view. This of course is not to say that I don't have opinions, but most people are so entirely convinced that they are right or maybe just can't stand to loose a debate with little ol' me, I love a good debate. ::grins devilishly::

I think that I will have to have Mike explain this guy/car fascination to me yet again, not that I don't get some of it. But it's really cute when he sends me car pics and tells me how sexy they are. All I see is a car, nice though it may be, it's still just a car. ::shrugs:: And really who in the hell needs a car that eats 1/4 mile in 10 seconds? Traffic has never been THAT bad! I can see a car like that if you want to go pro, then I'm all for it. Me... well... I'll stick to my Buick (LOL) and Old whiskey, thanks. BTW "Old Whiskey" is my favorite gravel road that has some major turns, and banked just right, for my speedy travels down it.

Well I'm off to continue my posting mayhem today, or at least until I fall over from the Benadryl.

Code and Kittens!?!

Hmm as I look around at my journal today, I'm thoroughly pleased with myself. Sad that a remodel of my journal would have that effect on me, but it does. The first design that I did just wasn't bright enough, and if this one isn't bright enough to you then you need to adjust your screen!!! So two days of playing with code and this, which was actually more simplistic code wise, ends up here - go figure. LOL Well I like it and am amused, so I guess that's all that matters. Oh and the background came from here I just haven't gotten around to adding other links yet.

In answer to V, nope we haven't named the kitten yet, though I'm tempted to call him Little Beast… Maybe L.B. is a good name for him actually. ::raises eyebrows and grins:: I am still with the name Tynan, but I really don't think that it will stick. We have been trying out names from the baby name book we have, but I can't say that we have really found much suitable in there. Anyway the little devil is bound and determined to eat until he throws up on the carpet, so we have been trying to limit his food intake. I don't think that he was eating very well before he showed up on our doorstep the other night.

It has snowed here, the first real snow of the season… I'm good, it can stop now, ready for spring here… annnnny time now. Well it was worth a shot. Snow is really pretty until you have to go out in it, damn it's cold, and I'm not good with cold. Maybe I should take a clue from the birds and migrate for the winter months, that's a very nice thought, too bad it won't be happening anytime soon.

Well now I better go catch up on news of world since I have not looked the past few days. Have a great (insert time of day here)!

Coming out of the shadows

Last night I was ready to write something horrible about the men in my life, and what kind of hell they put me through most of the time. I think that it’s a good thing that I went to bed when I did… Anyway being alone is far more simple and maybe I am just not meant to be with anyone. Besides all that dating or even coming close to it causes me too much frustration these days, and at the moment I can’t see the pro’s out weighing the con’s. So for now:
Game,
Set,
Match - I lost and that is okay

On to better things, we (I) have a new pet, no I didn’t go out and find this one either. He’s an adorable little gray kitten, long hair, but doesn’t seem to shed much as of yet, is a cuddle monger, and has one of the loudest meows for his body size that I have ever heard. Haven’t named him yet, I am trying to get the name Tynan to stick, but as of yet nobody but me likes this name. So any suggestions? I am trying to stay away from common names.

Well that’s not all I could come up with for this entry, but the rest was all too down, so we will just skip all that other stuff. Have a great day.