It's so silly

It seems to be a good week for bad pet behavior. Lil and Myth got into a fight sometime during the weekend where they both took belly wounds (bites). It was rather comical and frustrating to find a veterinarian in this town to provide basic care for rats, I got a few seriously interesting if not little scary responses. The bites weren’t all that serious but Lil developed an abscess where Myth bit her, so now she's on antibiotics. So far I haven’t had to wear gloves to get it down her throat.

::sigh::

And then there’s Boo who is very close to becoming a very small rug. I woke up this morning with a small trash can knocked over, and everything from that can all over my bedroom floor, to top things off he decided that he was going destroy part of my window blinds. Lucky little bastard, everything was easy to clean up and fix!!

After cleaning up after Boo, I spent the day repotting new house plants and helping to hang a few things on the walls. One of these days we will get things together in this house, very soon hopefully. We are starting to throw around a few ideas for landscaping, it seems so far that we all have wildly different ideas about it. It should be fun to see how it turns out, of course that’s after all the work that it’s going to take.

Now I think that I shall try to start alittle game, taken from Pen’s mommy board, and see what happens. Here’s how it works, someone makes a wish and the next person to respond gets to grant and corrupt that wish however they choose and then make their own wish and on and on. So now I will start...

I wish that I was always cheerful.

Have a good one.

Everything smokes

People are so strange... or maybe it’s just the people in my life. Just when I give up on them they manage to knock me flat on my ass by rallying to pull what’s left (of relationship) out of the flames. What is that? And why/how do these people come to touch my life? I really must learn to be less excepting of shitty behavior.

Moving along.

There was a fire at the state park last week, it was a small fire but definitely did some damage. Having front row tickets for that event was not comforting. I’m glad that the fire was out fairly fast, new home vs. fire - not good. My sister told me that I should have taken some photos but quite honestly all you would have been able to see was smoke coming out of a bunch of pines. Now that it’s out (might still be smoldering?), all you can see from the living room windows is alittle damage to the pines; yellowish and brown patches amongst the green of the rest of the army of pines. That could have been so much worse, we were lucky that the fire was so small. ::sigh:: I’m hoping that the state parks start getting better funding soon, but I doubt that will happen.

Not much else happening around here, still looking into jobs. There’s a trip planned for tomorrow to Hot Springs, SD, I’m actually hoping to send them out the door without me. I need some alone time again before I start being a royal pain in the ass again. We’ll see...

Have a good one.

My demons

I finally shook that song, which is so nice. My patients is slowly coming back to me, and whatever it is that I had is almost totally gone now. Overall I think life is back to normal.

Not much happening around here today, I had a migraine this morning when I woke up but it wasn’t that bad, though it did knock me on my ass. I haven’t had too many since we moved so even the weak ones take it out of me.

Yesterday was that job interview it went fine as far as I could tell. Before that I got my hair cut, the nice lady took six inches off my bangs and about four and a half off the back, now most of the color damage is gone. YAY I liked the longer hair but it had to be cut off so that I can grow it back with less damage, color damage makes my hair very brittle.

I have been reading Without A Trace, it’s a true crime story about Robert Durst. I must say that I’m enraged about most of the people that the book covers. Stupid people....

Well, that’s it for today. Have a good one.

Too tired

Well the interview went fine. I will update/catch up tomorrow, can't think right now. Did you know that two hours of sleep is just not enough....

Have a good one.

Don't stand so close to me.

Ever get that feeling that you should not have picked up the phone, then after doing so get this odd feeling in the pit of your stomach - kind of like be slammed against a wall....

::slams head on desk::

I’m sure that nothing will come of that conversation but the “what ifs?” kill me. Not that any of this makes sense to many people but I thought that I would share my feelings of a moment of pure what-the-hell-were-you-thinking; clearly I was not.

On with the real entry.

After being sick and cooped up for too long, I have started to be irritated by stupid things. As strange as this might sound I need to get away from people just for alittle while so that I don’t lose entire control of my strained nerves. It’s not that I have been in contact with all that many people, actually limited to family I haven't been around anyone. I need quiet, time to think, time to meditate with no noise, and I can’t seem to find that in the past few days. I’m sure it’s just that I’m oversensitive right now from being sick and isolated, and that’s frustrating beyond belief right now. I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m just saying that I know I’m not being rational with my short temper or feelings.

I think that I had better try that meditation again or I’m not going to make it through the day without turning on someone like a feral beast.....

I hope everyone else is having better patients and understanding then I am achieving at this moment. Have a nice day.

So maybe I could use a nice padded cell.

I sat down to watch the movie “It’s The Rage” tonight, I think that I have seen this movie before with Laky K but for some reason didn’t see what I saw tonight. If you haven’t seen it, watch it, not to say that this is the best movie ever created (it’s not bad either) but it’s interesting in a, can’t help but watch the train wreck, kind of way.

I couldn’t help but draw a few lines mentally so here’s what I think, I think that each one of these characters lives inside every mind. Humor me, I’ve been on NyQuil to long.... This isn’t to say that we are all crazy, though a good many of us are, just that we all have these little voices (personality aspects) that are exactly as depicted in this movie. We all just choose different aspects to bring to the front and be the main part of our personality, while the rest stay in the background and make strange noises that are occasionally listened to.

That was probably alitte too much thought, but it hit me, so lucky you got to see a bizarre little bit of how I think. haha

Oh and I thought that I would share something I grabbed from Tarek’s Blog.

This is funny and frightening cause well.... just watch (on dial up it takes awhile to load, but it’s worth it).

I’m feeling alittle better. YAY I must be getting better because I seem to be showing signs of cabin fever. Songs still with me. GRR I’ll get around to that meditating soon, cause I don’t think I can handle having that song there much longer.

Have a good day!

Clouded perspective, or is it?

It’s no secret that I have been sick but I sometimes wonder if I’m the biggest baby when I’m ill, or does this just give me a reason to allow crappy behavior and less then nice thoughts seep to the surface...

I woke up again in a cold sweat, and that song is still with me, normally I would meditate over this but I can’t keep my mind clear enough to attempt it just yet. I will be overjoyed when both song and illness leave me.

The rest of the day was spent sleeping or reading, with a brief few calls that I wasn’t expecting or really prepared for emotionally or physically. Not that the calls were emotional just the person I was talking to used to be a bigger part of my life. Ah the seepage of emotional baggage, it gets easier right?

Well, enough of that nonsense for today, I don’t have the patients nor the energy to analyze all that was and wasn’t said. I think that I will crawl back to my book and lose myself there, it makes being sick less horrible.

If only you all could see what the inside of my head really holds...

Have a good one.

What a strange little...

I have been on an old music kick today, I woke with Patsy Cline’s song Walking After Midnight stuck in my head:

I go out walking after midnight
Out in the moonlight just like we used to do
I'm always walking after midnight searching for you
I walk for miles along the highway
Well that's just my way of saying I love you

I'm always walking after midnight searching for you
I stopped to see a weeping willow
Crying on his pillow maybe he's crying for me
And as the skies turn gloomy
Night blooms will whisper to me I'm lonesome as I can be
I go out walking after midnight out in the moonlight
Just hoping maybe you're somewhere walking after midnight searching for me
I stopped to see a weeping willow
Crying on his pillow maybe he's crying for me
And as the skies turn gloomy
Night blooms will whisper to me I'm lonesome as I can be
I'm out walking after midnight out in the moonlight
Just hoping maybe you're somewhere walking after midnight searching for me

It’s a completely lovely and somewhat depressing song, and I have no good idea what would bring it to the front of my mind. I think maybe it’s all the NyQuil that I have been ingesting...

I dug out the CD’s with all the older music on it and have been playing that this afternoon. So now anyone who got correspondence from me today, now knows what the hell the titles mean, I did try to match them closely to the subject but sometimes it just wasn’t possible.

I’m supposed to be going to dinner in town tonight, but have decided against that, I am still not feeling all that great. I certainly feel better then I did a few days ago, but I want to stay better, and not exhaust myself by meeting people and doing that fake “I feel fine and it’s wonderful to meet you” BS. It takes enough energy to do that when you are perfectly healthy, AND I’m good with makeup but I don’t think that I could even manage anything short of almost dead looking right now.

Now I off to finish my book, or try to anyway.

A fix in the mix

On a happy and bright note, EJ support finally sent me an email saying that they are looking into my issue, which is really good news. And means, that I should soon be able to go back to my own designs, or at least adaptions of the EJ designs. YAY

I got something sent to me via email from a friend the other day that I thought I would share, I’m not sure where he found it but it’s worth a read.

Putting a Stop to Being You

So here you are; at any hour of the night, wishing that you were a specific number of months in the past. This feeling is no different for you than it has been in that same number of months. You know who she is, you know why you can’t be the person that you know you are. You may have dated, or not, that’s not at all the point. The simple point of all of this is that she is the center of everything that you need to be you. Like me, you may find that there isn’t a time schedule for anything anymore. You will do only what you have to, and then return home to be alone where you were before you left. Finding that you are uncertain at the very least about every one of your major goals, as well as not caring what happens to them, you will carry on with each day just like you keep showing up for a job that you no longer want. There are a million other fish in the sea, and there are supposed to be more than a few better, but better is not what you feel that you want. You want exactly what you had, nothing more, and nothing less. Every one of the impossibilities in your life started the day after you lost the only part of you that you don’t have any control over. You now realize that you are supposed to deny your feelings as well as the ways that you want to act on them. Each encounter with the second part of you that you will spend the rest of your life chasing becomes nothing more than a test of maintaining your sanity. There is really no good way to end love of any kind, and that’s precisely why they say that it doesn’t end. You may separate from that part of you forever, but you will never be able to loose it in your mind. Eating and sleeping become a secondary priority to waiting. Surrounding you is more than one physical reminder of the past, no matter where you go; try as you might, you will never escape this. Keep the pictures up, keep whatever it is that you wear everyday that reminds you, because getting rid of these things just makes it hurt worse. Maybe this is unhealthy, but just like everything else; you don’t seem to notice the deterioration of health along with everything else. The hardest part of this whole nightmare is not being alone; it’s being able to be near anyone else without a reason to be there. There is always at least one person of the opposite sex that you know of who now becomes someone that you can’t stand due to the fact that you know that they want to be something different to you than what they are. That space is not for rent, and you don’t need anyone else trying to fit into a mold that is so detailed that there is nothing that will fill it but what came out of it. The beauty of all of this is that the idea of superiority is wiped out of your mind. There isn’t anything that you want, there is nothing better, and really there is nothing worse than being where you are. You are stuck somewhere that is comfortable enough to stay in until the right person extends their hand to pull you out. You know that you are not going to be bringing anyone of the opposite sex home with you, so there is no reason to change the appearance of your room since the last time you had what it is that you need. You will begin to make promises of hanging out with people of the opposite sex, but won’t be able to go through with it when it comes time to actually finalize plans. This Supergirl, for some reason is probably someone that you still occasionally talk to, and each time there is probably some kind of a conflict. The way you let your self be pulled into all of this just to talk to her is nothing short of completely unexplainable. Here’s where the real tough part is, I can tell you that those tears aren’t going to help anything at all. Neither her tears nor yours are made of anything but the acetone that will weaken the bond between the two of you. Now, I’m sure that you would think that I would have some outstanding advice for you on how to make things better, how to become friends, how to have everything back to what it was, or even how to fill what’s missing in you in even some small way; well, there isn’t any advice out there to accomplish that. If nothing else, rely on your friends, eventually you may find that she becomes part of that group of people, and you may find that you did something right after all. Good luck, you’re not the only one who will need it.

~K.J. Learnings~

Though this is geared to a guy I think that it can certainly be understood by a woman's perspective. I think that most if not all been here, and I know that I have never seen it stated better then this. So I will let this entry stand on someone else’s writing.

Have a good one.

And that is my car...

I think perhaps that this is just a few more inches than 3-4, don’t you? I guess that they were serious about that blizzard alert! Can you believe it’s still snowing, it’s lovely, but my car is entirely surrounded. lol



Well, the snow gave me a good reason to sit and work out the code for other EJ users to add non-EJ links to your journal’s. If you can’t read the email that I sent with your code in it here are pages that I made this morning with the code on it. Crimson (JJ’s style journal), Gray Blocks (V’s style journal), and Color Blocks (VJ’s style journal), I will be adding more after I have a chance to look over the other templates. Just copy the desired code, “Customize you journal”, “Edit your Template” and paste into “Primary Template” pane.

*The red in the code needs to be replaced, and the blue is where you add the new links.

Not that I think there will be problems but... if there are issues with the templates let me know and I will try to fix it.

Now I am off to... I have no idea. Have a good one!