Lancing The Poison

There are days that I have to reflect on some of the people that I have allowed into my life over the years. Aaron is at the top of my mind, not because we are talking so much, because we aren’t, as he left the most gut wrenching, heart smashing pain that I have felt for some time. What do I do with that void, my friends and family have filled all the spaces that they can; now there’s that space empty and infected. I refuse to carry this disease of thought any longer, it’s time to lance that shit out!

Reflections of Insanity

Back in December when I went out to Omaha to visit, the plan was to actually not let him know that I would be in town, obviously that didn’t work as planned. So I sucked it up and met with him, the familiarity was still there as well as residual feelings from what we could have had, what we once had. I thought what the hell spend some time with him, reminisce, I thought that would be the end of it, I would just come back to my normal life as nothing had happened.

January rolls around, things have progressively gotten to the point that we are back together, he visits, proposes, and we are engaged. On that day when he asked I should have paid attention to what didn’t go through my head, there was no screaming in my head saying “yes” I drew a complete and absolute blank; there was literally nothing going through my head, never felt that before. My response was those three words that condemn everyone to utter insanity “I love you”.

Through the last eight months things have been extremely turbulent, there have been lies and major omissions on his part, trust has been lost. During those eight months there were discussions about working through our problems but he couldn’t or wouldn’t muster the energy to try, some things can’t be done by one person. I know this man well, I knew that things probably wouldn’t work out, when things get difficult he runs, he has always ran.

I do love him but I can’t be there to catch him anymore, sometimes it’s better if you let them hit the bottom than try to catch them. So I said goodbye to him, hopefully he will contemplate my decision, reflect on himself and become a better person… but I think that might be too much to expect.

Reflections of Walking

After walking away from this relationship I know that there is nothing that I could have done that would have saved it, I knew that if it didn’t work out we could not be friends when the dust settled. And I will accept that. You can love somebody but you can’t always live with them.

I wrote this to get the poison out, hopefully it does it’s job and I can let go of the anger and sadness that has had me trapped for so long, I just want to be me again. Sorry guys it was time for a full-out purge, if you actually read all the way through it congrats, you must be very curious about train wrecks.

Hoping the day greets you with sunshine.

...but the map showed

I can’t believe that almost an entire week has passed since I posted up an entry, time flies when you aren’t paying attention.

Thought that I would share a picture of where I was working last week and where I will be for the next couple days. If you look close you will see a two track (road) on the bottom half… that’s the road I thought I was on. I did come within a quarter mile of it, never mind I was 1400 feet above it. Opps! It seems that since we are close to the end of this project that we left the more difficult to access areas for last, but at least they are pretty.



Well that’s all I have for now.

Have a good one!

Just a kick to the head

The Horoscope

Finally you'll summon up the courage to cut ties with a less-than-pleasant acquaintance or a sarcastic 'friend' who almost always left you feeling worse after you two spent time together. That move toward freedom will leave you feeling lighter and freer -- not to mention more confident -- than you have in ages. Now go and celebrate your own personal independence day in a manner that you find absolutely delightful.

My response… LMFAO Maybe that’s what that was earlier, but who the hell knows.

I Am Woman Hear Me Roar Bastard!

Okay so I had a moment when I completely lost it today, but it wasn’t really unprovoked so life is still good… in my world. There are just some days that you have to reaffirm you are still in control of your own life and can’t be pushed to do what someone else wants you to.

Am I making any sense?

Well, I’m in the drivers seat so I think I’ll see what this baby can do, after all it is mine. Anybody trying to take my shit over can piss off, I refuse to relinquish what is and has always been mine. Okay so I’m in a mood, tomorrow I will be less… What’s the word?

I swear I can hear a few of you cheering, and then the silence that follows with thoughts of “I wonder how long it will last this time?” Don’t know, could just be that I’m in a fightin’ mood.

In my World

Today I took a personal day to seriously look for a new job, and I actually found several that I will be applying for in the next week or so. I did manage to apply for a few today after Mo helped me make, me sound better on paper or rather on screen. Since I haven’t completely decided where I will end up living I have been applying for jobs in the Omaha/Sioux City area as well as here. Ah the choices!

I really do want to move back to Omaha but we’ll have to see what happens. What will be will be…

Killer Cat

Okay, so he hasn’t killed anyone yet but I’m sure that I’m on the top of the list after today. No, it’s not because I haven’t given him attention. He got outside this morning and proceeded to crawl through every plant that contains burs in the area, and I swear that he rolled in them until every bur in the yard was plastered into his long gray fur. After he came inside he had to be brushed out, short of shaving him there was no way to get all that out without a little pain. I got The Look of Death from him several times during his brushing… I somehow don’t feel all that bad for him, could be I’m just a bitch today.

In Other Bizarre Happenings

I have been doing my Christmas shopping already, creepy isn’t it? Unlike some men I know I don’t put shopping off until the very last minute but I usually wait to be within two months of the day itself. Not sure what’s different this year that I’m actually getting it done early, but it’s a good thing.

Have a good one!

How scary is it that I have update frequently lately, I know I’m scared.

Light & Fluffy

Face Lift

So the new look is here and I think I got all the bugs out of it…

I like it so far, it lighter and fluffier than the last one, which is a good thing with fall just around the corner. Anyway the look is another adapted-for-EJ blog code designed by Dan Cederhol, and I will put it on the EJ Templates page that I have going for anyone else who might want it.

In case anyone was wondering why I haven’t been revamping EJ templates it’s because I have already played with most of those, and I needed something new. I could of course do a complete tear down and do the design from scratch but I really just haven’t felt like doing that lately; besides after I go through all the blog templates that I like I going to have to…. Or find another site to borrow templates from.

Hey-Hey-Boo-Boo!

Boo seems to be rather irritated with me the last week or so, he has lodged complaints about the computer time that I have been logging recently instead of paying attention to him. I must do something about this before he tries to kill me in my sleep.

That paragraph was just so I could use that title.

Areas of Insanity

Aaron and I are talking again… stop me if you heard this before.

That’s what I thought, haha! Okay so no need at this point to discuss that any further.

End On a High Note

Today is my Mom’s official birthday, so Happy Birthday Mom!

Have a good one!

Strange & Usual Happenings

On The Rally

VJ to answer your question, no I haven’t made it into Sturgis yet, but you really don’t have to to be at The Rally. It’s all around, with the poker runs that snake through and around The Black Hills you could pretty much park on any highway and see several hundred bikes within a few hours. I do plan to try to make it into Sturgis itself at the end of the week.

On the way home today I heard that there have already been fatalities from The Rally, one woman from Omaha, and a man from Colorado. I didn’t catch the town name from the guy from Colorado because of what followed, he was apparently hit by a motorist that had already been nailed for driving under the influence FIVE times! No surprise that he was drunk at the time, said bad guy is sitting in jail with a million dollar bond hanging on him, I somehow doubt that he’s getting out before his hearing, after however is another story.

The Job Front

Well, looks like the job is coming to an end, we have a few more areas to visit and record but looks like we will be done before the September 15th deadline. I think that I will miss this job, I have a few reasons for that but the biggest is that we have not really had to deal with the supervisor with the exception of the first week and three other times when he decided to drive out to see how we were adjusting/doing. Okay so I have a problem with authority, but as long as people stay out of my way I will produce.

Looks like I will have to start being serious about finding a new job… time to break out the cheerfulness that I save for special occasions.

Miscellaneous Crap

My dad recently took some film in to get developed that has been hanging out in the freezer, only to find out that all three rolls were mine. Now I knew that I had lost weight over the past few years that I had packed on from all the migraine meds, but I had no idea how noticeable the weight loss was, I DO NOW! All I can say is wow, that’s just scary… oh and why didn’t anyone tell me?!?

Anyway I have several photos of Mo and her cats (Sadie and Salem), that I had completely forgot about taking when we moved into our apartment, along with baby rattie pics of Lil and Myth, they are so little! God all these photos feel like another lifetime ago.

Have a good one!

PS. Yes I meant the title to read that way.

False Start

Good morning everyone, it’s still completely dark outside and a chilly 64 degrees inside and outside with a little bit of humidity (not caused by the shower); so basically I’m sitting here huddled in the bathrobe hoping that the chills wear off soon. No, I’m not sick it’s just normal for me to be cold when I wake up. My brain is still warming up to the idea of being awake and semi mobile, must increase coffee intake...

Launching brain functions in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Ignition…

Apparently it’s not time… must come back later.

Have a good one!

Just a..... yeah.....

The last couple of days I have not been feeling well, I’ll get over it, and soon I hope. My dad and I are supposed to be heading to Sturgis/Rapid for this weekend. The Rally doesn’t officially kick off until Monday, but people are already here and geared up, so the plan is to go and get an early start at this year photo spread of the bikes. Ooooooo bikes!

The new tat in case anyone was wondering has healed up nicely, as soon as it finishes sloughing the top layer of skin I will again shoot a pic for your viewing pleasure. I have to say that getting it wasn’t bad not being able to scratch though was difficult; must just be that area of the body because I know that the one on my ankle wasn’t bothersome at all.

Other than that not much happening here just work and the basic daily life pleasure and pesters.

Have a good one!